I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
