i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
