I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
