just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
