Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
