I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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