So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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