dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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