he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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