Already got asked if we're dating
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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