i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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