i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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