no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
