um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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