i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
