just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
