How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
