I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
