Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
