I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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