Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
