a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
