she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
