i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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