I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
