I just made out with a guy for $7.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
