They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
