if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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