I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize