Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
