I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
