I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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