Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
