he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
sex in a hospital.. check
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
