If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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