did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
