I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize