he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
