Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
