She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
