I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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