We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
