yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my being single is dangerous.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
