we're blogging at a bar
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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