His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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