I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
