Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
