Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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