sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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