I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
