Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Two words: blizzard sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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