I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
