i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
