what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
