Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
