I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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