so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
