david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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