About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize