Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
