I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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