I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
