Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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