I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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