Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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