How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
