East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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