So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
