i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize