Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
