he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
