You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize