everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
